Pokes, Prods and Passports

Our journey to Africa is still a couple of months away, but there are so many things that have to be done before we can leave. But never fear, I have an unbeatable weapon.  It is not the first one, and it will certainly not be the last. They have never let me down and always serve me well.

 I have my....LIST!

I have made lists for as long as I can remember, for every situation, but this list has them all beat.  It even has sublists.  I've been so worried about forgetting something and so I have it all written down.  The only problem is that nothing was getting crossed off, just more STUFF getting added.  Now a list without checkmarks is a sad list indeed, so you can imagine my joy when finally last week, I was able to start checking things off my list! YAY!!  (It's kind of sad how happy this makes me.  It's the little things)

The first thing was our spiffy, new passports photos.  It is somewhat disheartening to note that this photo is one of the best ID photos I've ever taken, which isn't saying much.  I couldn't show any teeth, but if I smile too widely with my mouth closed, my eyes squint shut and I  look like I'm going blind.  So I barely smiled and now I have a photo that says, "So what if I get to travel the world with this thing...meh...I'm bored." At least I was having a good hair day.

Enthusiasm successfully tempered 

Naturally, the next big thing was putting those awesome little pics in a brand, spanking new passport!  Did you know that passports come in different COLORS?  I did not know this, so imagine my surprise when I find out that not only do we get to keep our standard blue passports for regular travel, but we get nifty, black Diplomatic passports for just such an occasion as entering a foreign country on a diplomatic mission.  (That sounds really clandestine and important, and it isn't, but I still think it's pretty cool :D )

The most recent thing to be checked off is all the dreaded vaccines that we have to get.  It is remarkable how many little bugs, viruses and bacteria want to kill us in Africa.  My arms feel like I played a particularly vicious round of "dead arm" with my brother Aaron.  (He and I used to trade punches in our arms when we got bored...siblings!) and the fun keeps going with round 2 next week.  Oral typhus anyone?!?  Plus another rabies shot.  We know how to party in the Peterson house :D

Getting my edu-ma-cation

Keegan in front of the French Embassy.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the SD offers many classes to help with the transition into the Foreign Service.  Everything from communication to protocol, as well as family issues and security concerns.  I signed up for any classes I thought sounded relevant and helpful. Most classes are only a day or two and are spread out throughout our time here in DC.  Well, last week I finally got to start taking a couple.  I took Realities of Foreign Service Life and Communicating across Cultures.  I learned so much and thought it would be great to write about some of the highlights of what I learned. 


Communicating Across Cultures

What a fun class!  To really understand another culture, I have to understand my own.  Now this class was applied to national cultural differences, but every person is part of different cultures and I think these lessons can be applied to everyone.  Religious and community cultures define us, as well. As a Mormon, I know we have our own culture, separate from our beliefs.  Just ask anyone that lives in Utah! :D

Our teacher started off by asking us to think about what defines our American culture.  To be honest I never really thought about what "American Culture" is, especially in terms of how I think about other cultures.  What defines us as truly American?  He said most Americans don't travel outside of their culture and therefore it can be difficult for them examine it.  According to the statistics, only 18% of Americans own a passport and of that 18% a disproportionate amount are over 65 or are young children that travel with foreign born parents.  He said that I will learn the most about my own culture when I'm not living in it.  Living in a new place forces people to examine what identifies them, because they are constantly comparing it to the new culture. 

My favorite:  Don't put a value judgment on differences. 

The values and beliefs of any culture are the one's that are historically rewarded.  If I want to learn about another culture, I need to start with their history.

Here's just a couple of things he had us think about:

American Culture
I didn't realize what an optimistic society we are, especially in comparison to other parts of the world.  Most of us believe that if we are good, we will be rewarded, whether by God, Karma or some other force.  Culturally, we believe in extreme individualism and a distrust of strong centralized government.  While being individual, we are also very patriotic and have a strong civic culture and that is one of the reasons that during emergencies our communities come together and when the emergency has passed we go back to our lives again.  We are a nation of doers and put a strong emphasis on action.  Therefore, poets, artists and thinkers rarely hold as much value in American culture.

Here's a link to a great paper discussing the communication challenges between Dept of Defense and the Dept of State



Realities of Foreign Life

My favorite part was discovering the "Cycle of Adapatation"  Mostly it describes the adjustment a person makes when they move to a new country, but I saw parallels with any move or huge life change (job change, divorce, death, retirement, etc)

1.  Honeymoon Period:  Everything is fascinating and new.  Usually starts before the move and can last for the first couple of months. 

2. Culture Shock: You are swamped with loads of new problems.  It can be mentally exhausting dealing with transportation, housing, food, new friends and all in a new language.

3. Initial Adjustment and Mental Isolation: As you start to overcome some of the bigger issues and the language begins to become easier, depression may set in.  Feelings of loneliness and missing your old life may take over and, for some, they never leave this stage.  This is the lowest point of the cycle as you learn to adjust and communicate.

4. Acceptance and Integration: You have established a routine and have accepted the new culture.  You are comfortable with your social group and the language. 


Most surprisingly was learning about Return Anxiety.  Return anxiety, or Re-entry Shock, is what happens when you go home, especially the first time.  It can often be more painful and difficult than Culture Shock, simply because you aren't expecting it.  I mean who would think that coming back to family and old friends might be hard?  I remember experiencing it when I left for college and later on when we moved out of state.  The first time I came home, part of me felt like a stranger in my little town.  They had changed and so had I.  I think time makes those changes more pronounced, because you just don't see each other every day like you used to.  With every move, I keep expecting that shock to lessen, but it doesn't.  The time spent in the different stages varies, but I still see it.

I think my biggest surprise in this class was realizing how applicable some of these lessons were to everyone, not just Foreign Service families.  Especially to my military spouse friends.  I wish I had this information 12 years ago as we entered the military, but especially through all our moves.  I can look back and see this cycle in every one of our 19 moves.  I remember feeling depressed for a short time with every move and then getting mad for "feeling sorry for myself".  It was especially profound when we left Active Duty and moved to Boulder.  Making friends and creating new routines isn't always as easy as it sounds, even for us extroverts.  It just takes time.



In celebration of a couple of our favorite  cultures, we attended a huge party at the French Embassy as well as a rowdy day at Shamrock fest, enjoying our roots of Irish punk and all things green :D

Enjoy!

Rowen dancing

Country comes to town...

I consider myself a small town girl.  I spent my childhood in a small copper mining town and then moved to a small railroading town for high school.  College was in a slightly larger town, but still close to home.  It would be a rare weekend to go out and not run into someone you knew.  When we were first married, we lived at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.  We were in a small 2 room cabin on the rim of the Canyon.  We didn't have internet or TV.  David taught me how to play cribbage and we went for walks, with the Grand Canyon as our view.  Some of my favorite evenings were spent playing volleyball and eating around a bonfire, fueled by Jet-A (courtesy of the fire crew).  Overall, I usually had space to play and knew my neighbors. City living was what I saw on Friends,  Mad About You and Seinfeld, ie. New York City. When I watched shows like Law and Order, I found myself watching the people on the street as much as the main characters.  Taxis instead of personal vehicles, corner stores instead of Costco and lots of hole-in-the-wall restaurants where you ate pizza made by a guy named Vinny and his brother Paulie.  I was stunned to find out that from a friend that grew up in NYC, that he never even bothered to learn how to drive, because it was so freaking expensive to own a car.  He spoke of searching for parking spots like the quest for the holy grail and introduced me to concept that a parking spot in a garage could be bought and sold as real estate, as well as willed to your children, just like a house.

Over the course of our marriage, we have lived in several larger metropolitan areas (Denver, Dallas, Phoenix), but always in the 'burbs.  Anytime we would drive into the city to eat or go to a concert or sports event, I would imagine how convenient it would be to live in one of the many apartments that existed above all the restaurants.  I could just walk out my door and not be stuck looking for a place to park with 1000 of my closest friends.  It seemed simple, no yard to take care of, a maintenance guy to fix anything that broke and walking distance to everything.  It seemed exotic and fun.  David thought it sounded like hell.  We would joke about our retirement years with half the year spent in the city and the other half in a cabin in the mountains.  Both ideas sounded like a dream life for totally different reasons.  I love wide open spaces and a little isolation never hurt anyone, but there's something to be said for convenience.

When we found out we would be moving to DC for a few months while David was in training, I was excited.  This was my chance to experience city living!   Because we moved from out of the local area, our time in DC is considered a TDY (Temporary Duty), which meant all our things were moved into storage and we would be staying in a furnished apartment.  It's way cheaper than a hotel and we get all the same perks (paid utilities and housekeeping), as well as a decreasing scale per diem.  The State Dept contracts with a couple of local management companies and so we were given a list of about a dozen apartment buildings to choose from.  I was able to research schools and apartment size and pick our top 3 choices.  This was my chance to finally see what it was like to live in one of those apartments and I couldn't wait.

We ended up getting our first choice, which is smack dab in Arlington, right on the metro line and just minutes from DC.  We have a lobby with the nicest staff. They plan movie nights and snowball fights and send out local information.  They greet us by name when we walk in and invite the kids to watch movies in the theater downstairs. There's a fitness center, a pool and even a game room.  It feels so much like living in a hotel, that it took us a week to remember to lock the door with the key when we left, instead of letting the door lock behind us as we walked out.  Trader Joe's is a block away, while Whole Foods is only 5 blocks.  I found a dentist and eye doctor right across the street.  We've eaten Irish, Persian, NY style pizza, Mexico City Mexican food and have had the most amazing Peruvian style chicken at the restaurant Anthony Bourdain featured on his show.  The girls have learned how to use the Metro and I am confident that if we got separated they would be able to get home again without any trouble.  The only time we use the car is to visit friends in the surrounding areas and to go to our church activities. I found out that we live within walking distance of the belly dancing studio, where I start classes tomorrow (Woohoo!) and the nail salon downstairs.  We have taken the girls to see monuments and museums and cultural events that we could never have been able to do before.

I am so incredibly grateful for this opportunity; I am loving this experience and feel very blessed and fortunate to be here.  However, as I listen to horns honking and sirens blaring I realize that I do miss quiet moments.  I miss talking to neighbors in the front yard and having friends come over to play.   I imagine that Dakar will have more of those opportunities, as well as the open spaces that I crave.  David is still missing his running trail where he met coyotes and rattlesnakes and looked at the Rocky Mountains while he endured his daily torture run.  Once in Senegal, he will be able to stop mumbling to himself about the lack of mountains and embrace the ocean as his new running scenery.  Dakar will be completely different from anything we have known.   However you look at it, we are lucky or blessed or both and I love that we get to keep trying new and different ways to experience this crazy roller coaster of a life.

And now the fun can really begin!

FLAG DAY RESULTS!!!

Tuesday was Flag Day and I apologize to everyone that I didn't post sooner.  Life was understandably crazy following the ceremony.  Only Keegan was able to come with us to the ceremony so there was a mad dash afterward to pick up Rowen and tell her our great news and then rush off to the after party with David's classmates.  

And the winner is.......DAKAR, SENEGAL!!
 
Now before everyone has a collective stroke (Mom). It was actually ranked high on our list.  It was #4 on our list of 22, behind Helsinki, Sarajevo and Abu Dhabi.  It's a beautiful area on the north western coast of Africa.  It's very modern, with tall buildings.  We'll have cell phone access, internet and central A/C. It has a big medical facility where Keegan can get her meds and a fantastic international school with small class room sizes. The weather hovers between 60-85 degrees year around and city is surrounded by beaches on 3 sides.  While mainly Muslim, the official language is French.  Our whole family will get to learn to speak French (I hope) or at least how to gesticulate wildly and speak loudly in English, since that seems to be the best way to get non-English speakers to understand us Americans ;D   












Women selling fresh fish (among other things) at one of the local markets.


However, even though Dakar's nickname is "the Paris of West Africa" It also has crippling poverty, areas of town where people dump their trash and waste on the street and some crime (mostly petty).  



The biggest challenge we anticipate so far is where and how we will be allowed to worship.  The main religion (and by main religion, I mean 95%) is Islam. Christianity is only practiced by 2% of the population. I can't even guess what percentage of that is Mormon. A quick search on LDS.org shows no branches or meetinghouses within the entire country.  We will most likely be meeting with any other LDS families in our homes and teaching ourselves on Sunday.  Seminary is offered online and we will *probably* come home our first summer so the girls can go to YW camp and EFY. (For our non-member friends read "girls summer camp" and "LDS education week for youth")

We are tentatively scheduled to leave in August, but that is dependent on many things, including when the person David is replacing actually leaves the job.  We are excited and anxious and learn more everyday!  

Bid Lists 101: Waiting for Flag Day

*Even though it says David wrote this, this is still my blog. I'll create my own gmail account soon and then I'll switch it over*

We've had so many questions about what has led us to the Foreign Service with the State Department (SD). I keep thinking that having 9 years of active duty military experience and 3 years of Reserve experience should have prepared us more for our life in the Foreign Service. (Seriously, there should be some kind of transferable credit for all the nonsense that goes along with military life :D ) Granted even though we're just starting out and haven't even received our first assignment yet, there are unmistakable similarities between the two. The moving, the sense of adventure, the paperwork, the moving, goodbyes, hellos, and did I mention...the moving! I've  learned that I need to stop assuming things are the same between the military and the SD. While similar in so many ways, their missions are not and so their approach is not. The Air Force is a very family friendly force with a lot of support services, especially in comparison to the other services. (Although there are some things the other services do better, overall I always felt taken care of) However, our importance to "the mission" was always secondary. Nothing made this more clear than when David was training in Mississippi back in 2002. The on-base hotel we were staying in had a binder with base information and part of the binder included a hurricane evacuation plan. This plan specified where the military member needed to go to get airlifted out of the base in the case of an emergency. It then went on to list the local shelters that families were welcome to go to, but that essentially they were on their own. It didn't really bother me, it just made me laugh. It stuck with me though, because it brought home where we ranked in importance. "Needs of the Air Force" ruled our life, just like "needs of the Foreign Service" will now. Fortunately, something that seems to be all too familiar is the paperwork. The government LOVES their paperwork. Between David and I, there is a new pile of papers about a foot tall. Everything from new health plans to background information on all the cities on our bid list.

THE BID LIST!! 

Throughout this process there hasn't been anything more daunting (to me) than the bid list. In the Air Force it was called a "dream sheet" and I would get a random phone call from David about once or twice a year when he was working on his "dream sheet". I always laughed, because all the Air Force ever did with our dream sheet is giggle at it and then throw it away and send us to Texas again. I was actually stunned when we finished his school assignment in Virginia and we were sent to Colorado. I figured there were still a couple of Texas bases we hadn't been to yet :D

Starting in the State Department (SD), we have caught ourselves making assumptions about how things were done based on our military experience. The way it works for David's career field and most others is that the first two assignments are 2 years each and "directed". This means that, ultimately, they will pick where you go. Leading up to David's start date we had tons of people ask us if we had any idea at all where we would go and we truly didn't. There are almost 300 consulates and embassies worldwide and we could theoretically be sent to any of them. We assumed being newbies that our list would be full of tiny, out of the way places in Africa or Southeast Asia. Europe was a pipe dream that we would have to work up to.

The bid lists are also determined by how many people in your class are in the same job specialty. David is an IMS (Information Management Specialist) along with about 20 other people. Our list came with over 20 cities to choose from and only a couple that I was a little iffy about. I mean malaria sounds fun and all, but I think that's an experience I can wait on. Finally, we had narrowed our options to this list. It was such a relief, because now the work could begin. We needed to put these cities into order according to our needs and preferences and submit them to David's CDO (Career Development Officer). In the back of my mind, I was still picturing a dart board and didn't really think they would take our preferences into consideration. There is a fantastic resource called the OBC. It's a library with information about every post in the world. We were also cautioned to look at the list from the eyes of a resident and not a vacationer. Sure, the Bahamas are a great place to visit during your next cruise, but after being evacuated for your 4th hurricane in a month or finding out that your beloved pet has to be quarantined at your expense for 2 months or even that the high school isn't quite up to snuff, you might decide that living there isn't quite right for your family or lifestyle. *DISCLAIMER: These scenarios are all hypothetical. Since it wasn't an option for us, I didn't do any research on the island, but I know that these things happen and play a big part in organizing those bid lists.

So we researched, watched videos and prayed about the places on our list. We had cities from 5 continents to go through and places we never thought we'd want to live in turned out to be a great fit for us. All our preconceived notions about Africa, for example, were completely turned around. Yes, there are places that are not family friendly, as well as just down right dangerous, but we aren't even eligible to be sent there because of the kids. I can't publish the list, but I can say that we were so excited about our list, because it was so much better than we could have hoped for.

The SD has made it abundantly clear that, while you will go where they need you, your needs and your family's needs are paramount to making this life work. It doesn't matter if your family consists of a spouse and kids, just a spouse or just your pet. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight or single. They want everyone to feel welcome and prepared. I have classes to go to and the kids have workshops to go to. None of it is mandatory but highly encouraged because they want us all well-prepared for life overseas. There are a whole series of classes that we can sign up for to help us prepare and succeed. There are educational, professional, social and emotional opportunities and support everywhere we go. I have been overwhelmed by the sheer number of resources. I was even invited to go with David to visit his CDO and go over our list before it was submitted, so that she would have a better idea of our needs before the assignments were made.

So the list was turned in and we are now waiting. This Tuesday is Flag Day. That is when everyone is presented with the flag from their new post. The anticipation is nearly overwhelming. I just want to know so we can start planning for our next home. Wherever it will be. Even if we don't get our #1 choice, we are going to go somewhere foreign and exotic and it will be an adventure.  3 days and counting!

Saying goodbye

Flagstaff, Grand Canyon, Mesa, Glendale, Ahwatukee, Dallas, Winslow, San Angelo, San Antonio, Yorktown, Colorado Springs, Boulder.  I've said goodbye to friends in all of these places and several more.  As we finally begin our drive across the country, I am excited for what changes are ahead of us and I can reflect on what we've left behind. 

One of my sweet friends asked me if moving so often makes it easier to say goodbye.  I quickly answered that the hardest part is always knowing that I'm missing out on the fun stuff that happens after I leave.  However, I've had more time to think about it and it occurred to me that what I really miss is the moments with friends that I can never get back.  

We have spent the better part of the past 2 months traveling to see as many family and friends that we could before we left the country. More often than not I have remembered to take pictures, but I am often so caught up in the moment that I forget.  I am forever grateful when others remember and I can have a picture to help remind me of the moment.

I rarely cry during my goodbyes.  I am usually so excited about being with my friends that I can ignore the reality.  I can say, "Sure, it's the last Sunday at church, but I'm still having lunch with everyone later this week." Moving is a busy time and I can keep myself so occupied that I don't think about how soon the last day is coming.  I do my crying after I've left and I know that, even if I'm fortunate to see them again one day, it will never be exactly the same.

Today was my last day in Colorado.  I got to have one last breakfast with some of the most amazing women I know.  We talked, laughed and hugged our way through the meal.  I will miss their presence in my daily life and I will miss their wonderful faces. At least, I got a picture 😊

And so it begins...

Blogging.  Ugh!  I am feeling the same trepidation I had as a newly married, Mormon wife nearly 16 years ago, when I thought I was supposed to scrapbook (and like it).  This is new and I'm still learning how to add all the neat little countdown clocks and other personal touches that are supposed to make people enjoy reading about me and my little family and where we're going next.  It's supposed to be witty and insightful and fun.  In the end, I suppose, what it really boils down to is me and why I'm doing this.

I'm writing this for you (whether you are friends, family or friends that might as well be family).  I am writing this so that you can go with us as we start this crazy, new adventure into life with the State Department. I am writing for my kids and my husband, so that we will have a travel log of sorts.  A journal of this newest life change. Something for Keegan and Rowen to look back at and see the reason why we've uprooted moved them, once again, to travel to parts unknown and experience life in a way that very few get to.  But mostly I am writing this for me.  I hope you enjoy it.  I hope I enjoy it. And, Here.We.Go!